I’ve taken a couple of days to digest the experience of the intensive. And I suppose there should be a preface to this post with a little background information.

I’m a wrestler.

I’ve wrestled a lot throughout my life with spirituality, duality, non-duality, alternative lifestyle, Christianity, yoga, and philosophy. I wasn’t raised as a yogin. In fact, I practiced asana diligently for about six years before becoming comfortable chanting the sound, Aum, though I’ve always loved being in a class when everyone else was chanting. I’ve never been to India and I don’t foresee a pilgrimage there in my near future, but I love to read about all of your journeys out there and vicariously live through you in secret.

I am what is referred to as a “householder yogin.” One who cannot afford the time or resources away from family for months at a time for immersions with teachers. One who balances soccer games and gymnastics for preschoolers, baseball games because I love them, and who colors her hair, and not with henna, because I’m afraid of going gray.

I wrestle a lot.

But on Sunday morning, I walked. In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, I walked as though my feet were kissing the Earth. No wrestling thoughts; just the gentle stir of a breeze, the sweet, sweet smells of spring, and the soft quiet of morning. A pause here and there. A peek over a railing and down into the water flowing by, which I couldn’t quite hear since the snowmelt in the mountains hasn’t happened yet. Passed by a furniture store that I’ve driven by for years to finally notice its name: Joyful Furniture. Joyful Furniture! Amazing.

And it brought me to this. This workshop was an honor. An honor to learn with new eyes how to see what people sometimes can’t say verbally yet shout through their bodies. An honor to sit with another’s joy and sadness and to taste curiosity and sweetness. To see strength, surrender, and innate wisdom. To become aligned with what is. Whatever it is. Whenever it is.

And, as one woman put it, to trust the dive.

Here are some photo highlights of the day.

De assisting a 3rd trimester momma in Upavista Konasana.

I love this picture.

Demonstration of Vrksasana in the 3rd trimester, using the wall for balance and opening in both the chest and hips.

Postpartum demonstration, showing how to twist in Jathara Parivartanasana with bolsters.

An explosion of heart! Can’t you just feel it? Upavista Konasana partner work.

Beginning to quiet down for closing the workshop.

Peaceful momma, peaceful baby.

To see the entire gallery of photos from the intensive, please click here or go to the Photos page.

Related posts:

1. A little setback.
2. A day for laughing.
3. Deliciousness.

The stomach bug hit our house this morning at 5:15 a.m. My poor preschooler, who always gets hit the worst, is the first man down. And, as always, I start praying.

“Dear Lord, please spare me from this.” “Dear Lord, please help my children stay healthy.” “Dear Lord, please, please, please don’t let my husband or me get this…please???”

I’m not sure yet if my belly is having sympathy symptoms or fighting the good fight, but I’ve been sitting outside of the yoga studio for two hours now. I’ve even taken a little snooze here and there. But oh how I miss being in there this morning. I miss the creaky wood floors. The indirect lighting that uncovers interesting pictures of Guruji, statues of Ganesha, and strategically placed wooden artifacts. I miss learning, and I miss the new connections being made.

But it’s pretty cozy in my car for now. There are soft rain showers today and the sounds and smell of the rain are always soothing and comfortable. Every now and then, I see a break in the clouds over the mountains and can see lots of fresh snow up there. My peppermint tea is helping my plight. And of course, Boulder’s always a good spot for people watching.

So I’ll continue with my “car yoga” as David Bowie rocks on KBCO for a few more minutes and then take a little walk in the rain. This morning I’m reminded of a point yesterday when De prepared us for guided breathing and relaxation by saying, “If you feel sleepy, it’s ok. If you fall asleep, it’s ok. It’s good to rest.”

Sometimes, I swear she’s talking right to me and me alone. This morning, it’s been good to rest. Have you done that lately?

It’s ok, you know.

Here are some pics from this morning’s asana practice and physiology lecture on the stages of pregnancy.

This momma demonstrates softening of the belly for baby in Virabhadrasana II. It’s amazing how much we grip the abdominal muscles until we give ourselves the permission to release.

Keeping the back concave in Prasarita Padottanasana during the 2nd trimester.

De adds support for a momma in her 3rd trimester.

De demonstrates Supta Baddha Konasana using props to give mommas space to breath while opening their hips.

A labor and delivery nurse/doula discusses the physiology of the woman’s body during each trimester.

Students taking notes.

And…my walk back to the car. A little different from yesterday’s picture of outside, yes? That’s Colorado for you.

Related posts:

1. Walk as though your feet are kissing the Earth.
2. Deliciousness.

True to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

Not false or imitation.

To live in authenticity, then, is why I share with you my dilemma of the powerful panties. When we are able to share our fears, our misguided moments, our hilarious capers in trying to fit into yoga clothes after having babies, we realize that our kula, our community, goes both deep and wide. As I listened to other moms around me talk about fearing their return to yoga asana practice because they had to bend over in their ill-fitting clothes and wonder aloud about how long it will take to return to shape, I couldn’t help but lament with and confess to them that I had worn Spanx (see previous post) to teach a class recently. It is just so hard to embrace and love our bodies in this state at times.

But listen carefully. We each know, down to our core, our power and beauty in giving our bodies to our babies. We each know how precious each little stretch mark or resistant belly pooch is. We each know the absolute miracle this thing that is called “giving life.” Many times, our partners travel that path of “a few extra baby pounds” with us (and bless you for that).

For us to be authentic, truly authentic, we embrace both the beauty of swollen breasts and wider hips AS WELL AS mourning the body that was while looking forward to the body that will be. For me, the powerful panties were a reminder of that. They were also a call back to the beginner’s mind so frequently called upon in my yoga practice.

So this week, in my beginner’s mind, here is my focus:

• Enjoying of the softness of my belly as my baby curls up against me to nurse
• Being tender in my practice as I regain strength in my core, specifically in mula bandha practice and in poses such as navasana, bakasana, and adho mukha vrksasana
• Finding humor in the fact that I actually have cleavage once every three hours
• Being ok with actually talking about all of this with my friends AND on this blog (this is huge and scary for me)

And with a deep breath, I click on the “publish” button, hoping to hear from you and about your “me too” moment.

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1. Spanx you. Spanx you very much.
2. Monday/Thursday Night Class Announcement.
3. No fear.

As my eyes went directly to the section of black tops & pants that fill my yoga-clothes-drawer, they skimmed over…my Spanx.

I did it.

I actually wore Spanx under my yoga clothes to teach a class.

Pretty sure this was a new low for me. But as I found myself in conversations with other new moms over the next couple of weeks, there were a lot of “me too” moments. I wish I would  have read this before pulling stuffing myself into my “powerful panties.” May I have a side of perspective, please?

How do you feel about your body?

(photo credit: spanx.com)

Related posts:

1. Powerful Panties, Part Deux.